Shawn Phua - Personal Testimony

Hi, my name is Shawn, I’m from Commonwealth Sec. Class 4/4, I’m the Prayer Group leader of the Commonwealth Prayer Group and the church I go to is called Center of New Life. I’d like to share with you how awesome God has been in my life and what led me to accepting Christ.

First of all, some background information. I used to go to my uncle’s church with my siblings when I was younger, aged around primary 2-4, but soon after I got bored and stopped going. I realize now that I wasn’t paying much interest to God then and just went to make friends.

Fast forward a few years to 2006, when I was in sec 3. There I was, thinking I’ve had the whole game of life figured out, but little did I know what was in store for me was something that I’d have never anticipated. Back in those days, I used to lie a lot; because that to me was the only way I could change people’s impression about me. I lied to my parents, to my friends, and to myself even, so much so that I didn’t know who I really was. I was rebellious and constantly raised my voice at my parents over the slightest things, and I didn’t bother about my siblings, as long as they didn’t bother me. Home, to me, was simply a temporary shelter, to keep me till the next time I went out again. I also always felt a need to be the ‘coolest dude’, the ‘lady killer’, so I went around and tried out dating. I thought that the emotional void deep within me could be cured if I felt loved enough by the girl I was dating, but disappointingly I found out that I was left even emptier inside. For me, it was satisfying to know that my reputation as a Don Juan has spread throughout different classrooms. It grew from a hobby to a serious obsession, where I would date a few girls at once, and serial date, where I’d dump a girl after I got bored of her. All of which, did not make me feel the tiniest sense of remorse for my actions. This took place for about a year; thereafter it began to take its toll on me.

In the midst of having fun with friends, flirting with girls, skipping school, I’ve unconsciously been neglecting my studies, and because of that, I failed all my subjects except English and Chinese. This meant that I had to repeat sec 3 the next year, a consequence I wasn’t prepared for. It was a fact hard to swallow, because when a person thinks he is high and mighty, he tends to pretend nothing’s wrong when he stumbles. For me, it meant having to rethink the lifestyle I was going to lead, reflect upon how my ways have caused hurt to myself and the people around me, and how I can leave everything behind to start over.

The whole time I was in sec 3, when all my other friends were sec 4, I never stopped wondering about how all this could happen to me. I started asking myself some other serious questions. Questions like: What am I doing here on earth? Is there some reason, some purpose for me to be here? Or is life just meaningless, where everything happens by chance, and my only purpose is to watch tv, go to school, and when I die, my body decays and the worms eat it up?

I filled my head with such thoughts. I couldn’t find an answer, so I got frustrated with myself. I began to think about such things day and night; even my mother noticed that I’ve been in a depressing mood lately. Then I chanced upon the bible I had when I was young. I flipped it open and the first verse that caught my eye was Micah 6:8 “The Lord has already told you what is good, and this is what he requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

It took me quite a while to digest the entire meaning of all this, because what it said hit a nerve so great, I became numb for a while. It meant that all my questions and my desires and my needs will be met, if only I submitted to God. Since the times of Sunday school, I’ve been taught what God’s will in my life is; all I had to do was to make every effort to abide by it. I decided it was time to give God a second chance, so I declared in my mind: God if you really exist and you really want me back at church; I challenge you to give me a confirmation. So that I can know for that this is really what I need to do.

Surely enough, less than a week later, my cousins asked me over to church for an Easter day service. Since then, I’ve lived for God with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul, and everything else took a turn for the better, including my grades in school. My faith in God has only become stronger with each passing day, and I have also dedicated my life to witnessing to others so that they may come to know this merciful God that has given me a second chance.

Making this public hasn’t been easy on me because of the many painful memories it has brought, even though I’ve come to terms with my past, I still feel uneasy revealing too much, but rest assured that no part of this has been exaggerated or fabricated. This is my heart felt story and I would most sincerely appreciate any comments or questions that you may have. God is not exclusive only to a group of people, so if you want to know more, or if you have any problems to share, don’t be afraid to email us, and we will try our best to help. (:

P.S I would like to dedicate this entry to Christabel. Sister, you don't have to go through your struggles alone, because God is with you every step of the way. Have faith that God has your best interest in mind, and you'll pull through. And of course, this is for You, Lord. Though words can't capture the beauty of the miracles you have placed in our lives, but what joy we find in the attempt. God, this is my prayer and will always be, that through the dark times You lead us into the light, that our paths be made right. Lord, I pray that more may come to know of Your great love, and that this blog entry may bless Your name. (: